Truth #12 - Priorities

You are special, I am special, we are all special, but your job is not. No matter how good you are at your job, no matter how much skill you think you have at your job, its still only a job.  Don't get it twisted.  People are the most important things and in the end that's what you will be judged on.  Your relationships with others and yourself.  If you can't see that, than let me be the one to tell you, you are immature and materialistic.  I don't mean you should try to make everyone else happy. You can't make everyone happy, so don't try.  Even people who love you (and those who don't) have their own agenda and their own version of right and wrong.  Don't stress that, cause those people will always not be satisfied no matter what you do. You don't know what really is going on in their lives and what misery or struggles they are going through. As long as you try to look at something from the other person's point of view and show empathy, which is hard sometimes, and then compare that with what you are feeling and want to do.  If you know what you are feeling, which a lot of people find difficult. All that materialistic stuff might make your life easier but not happier.  All religions of the world teach about, and it makes sense, how you interact with yourself and others in the world.  But only you are held accountable for your own happiness and misery and everything in between.

Truth #11 - Happiness

My definition of happiness is the ability to see things as they truly are, not what I or someone else wants them to be.  That allows you to live in the moment and enjoy everything and everyone around you.  Very hard to do but I think that makes you the happiest. People, including myself, have used several effective tools to achieve this mysterious happiness that eludes everyone.. pills (vitamins, herbs, antidepressants, etc.) diet, exercise, therapy, all help to make you feel happy.  Or is it to make your mood better? I think the people and places you surround yourself with also have a role in it. Being around losers will probably make you a loser...because like minded people don't usually encourage change cause nobody is thinking "out of the box."  Seeing things as they truly are  is difficult and takes a lot of courage.  It is extremely hard for me, and from what I see it is for most people.  For example, I see many couples that know they shouldn't be together but they don't have the guts to admit it.  They stay together because that's all they know, or for the kids, or worried about about what others think,  This despite that in each of our hearts we know how to be happy.  My heart learned when I was a child and my mom would hug and kiss me, or the first time I went to Disneyland, or the when I played a game I really enjoyed.  That was my baseline, my inner child.  But along the way bad things happened along with the good.  And I forgot what "happy" really is because eventually I protected my self by not feeling EVERYTHING and only what I wanted to feel or thought it should feel.  So your happy senses are only at 50% cause that's all you think they are capable of...my children being born, a first date, my wedding, enjoying my wife,..all happy events...but so is waking up, listening to the birds chirp, the smell of flowers, the laugh of children playing, are all things I ignored and took for granted.  Which means I took myself for granted....stopped worrying about what I ate, or exercised, or really wanted to do instead of making others happy.   Others should be a consideration but not the main consideration. When that happens the road to real happiness is far.  Courage is the most important tool to happiness next to turning to God for help.  Courage to say this is what I really want.  To tell yourself I am worth it so i will do it.  To stop listen, hear, see, smell, touch, FEEL.  Happiness comes from feeling the sad events also.  My father died several years ago and I miss him everyday.  He never saw me on the road to my full potential, but he always wanted that for me.  He always was on my side and was my biggest supporter.  On this earth he was my hero.  But some of these things I didn't let myself feel until now.  Feeling it makes me happy at the thought of him.  My greatest champion.  Everything can be happy if you have the courage to do what you know is right.

Truth #10 - Instincts

"You will know (the good from the bad) when you are calm, at peace." - Yoda

“intuition is always right in at least two important ways;
It is always in response to something.
it always has your best interest at heart”
― Gavin De Becker, The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence

People don't pay enough attention to their instincts. If it feels wrong it usually is.  Don't sell yourself short. You control how you act upon your instinct, but instinct itself is natural.  It is in all living beings in one form or another.  But, some people are more open to themselves than others.  If you don't love yourself, then you probably don't listen to yourself.  What is that?  If you are addicted to something harmful to yourself or others then you don't love yourself.  Your mind and body will tell you what you need, but if you have allot of shit in your head and don't even know you are harming yourself then you will not know how to listen, let alone love,  yourself.  Instinct is the voice that tells us what is right and good for ourselves.  Listen!

It is said God's favorite angel was Lucifer until he rebelled against God.  God then created Hell to hold Lucifer and his fallen angels.  God then sent Michael the Archangel to drive Lucifer and his dark angels into Hell.  So, God created Hell and the Devil.

There are parts of my life when i ignore my instincts and others when I listen allot.  At work I am very instinct driven.  My instinct has always guided me to success.  It tells me when to push and risk.  It gives me that vibe when something is not right about a person.  Are they lieing, are they dangerous, do I need to keep looking, is it a dead end?  These are all things my instinct helps me with. My instinct at work gets it done. 

Truth #9 - Trust

"Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for the truth."

- Benjamin Disraeli

 

Trust seems to be lost in many these days.  Trust in the government, trust in the banks, trust in what we are told, and trust in each other is becoming rare.  It's almost a fad to say "I don't trust anyone."  Wives don't trust husbands and vice versa.  Dads don't trust their kids. Trust itself is an act.  Something you demonstrate. Not to trust someone else is to not trust yourself.  Some might say the only person you should trust is yourself. So how does someone demonstrate trust to you if you don't trust anyone? Trust in yourself is the most important thing next to trusting your god. Trust in your god is called faith.  Faith is believing in something when you don't have any proof it exists. So, truth is an act but it also takes faith. Faith that someone else can be trusted so they can demonstrate they can be.  People are afraid to trust.  It's seen as a defense mechanism.  Nobody needs to perform the way you think, you just need to be OK with it. Being vulnerable is not wrong and scary.  It helps you really feel.  We are all interconnected. And yes people let you down.  People cheat, people make you look stupid, and people can hurt you.  People also make you laugh, pick you up when you are down, support you, help you, are loyal, and love you.  You can't demonstrate you can trust yourself unless you have someone else you trust.  Trust in yourself is not automatic. If it were, nobody would hurt themselves.

Truth #8 - Workplace

"To be successful, you have to be able to relate to people; they have to be satisfied with your personality to be able to do business with you and to build a relationship with mutual trust".George Ross

Anyone who works for corporate America knows how fickle it can be. From little johnny who works at Target as a cart attendant and wants to be a cashier, to the vice-president who wants the top spot of CEO.  People bitch about how unfair things can be because this person got promoted over that person.  Or this person got a bigger raise than that person who thinks they work harder.  Bitch, complain, cry, whine, talk shit, etc. takes up more time sometimes than actual work.  You didn't get the job even if you think you're qualified.  Your boss gave you a lousy job review that you think you didn't deserve? It's simple, and this is a truth.  The same reason a new CEO comes into a company and fires all the executives and brings in new ones that he knows.  The same reason a new coach comes in and replaces all the existing coaches with coaches he has worked with before.  But they both keep a few of the "old" team.  You know why?  It's not because all the old executives are worthless.  It's not because all the old coaches are incompetent. It's because of relationships.  The new boss, coach, supervisor, lead, senior, head cart attendant, etc. has relationships with the people he is bringing in. They are comfortable to them and do things their way.  They get along.  That's why sometimes an old executive or coach survives.  They either quickly built relationships with the new boss or had a previous relationship.  That applies to everything else.  If your boss isn't comfortable with you, not only because your not good at your job but also because you don't get along well, he will fuck you.  I didn't say it was fair, but that's the way it is.  Now, i am not the best relationship builder.  Otherwise, I would be a billionaire by now and not have time to blog.  But I know nothing else matters but the relationship.  People deny this to themselves because they have been with the company since the first brick on the first store was built.  Doesn't matter, "what have you done for me lately."  You didn't like your raise because you felt you did more work than little Janey co-worker because you think your boss doesn't like you as much. Right! Now you're getting it.  There are allot of people that can do your job, people in corporate America are expendable. But people still stick around.  I would rather say "stop messing with me for a month so I can look for another job."  That would be more realistic.  Easier for both sides. Cause most people would rather fight the tide.  You will lose.  Luckily, I think my bosses still like me.

Truth #7 - Loyalty

Loyalty is earned, and it’s a two-way street. Being loyal means giving a relationship the higher priority. Simple enough—if you care about someone, then be there for them. Be true to them. Do what’s in their best interests. Based on your choice, a relationship will grow. The problem is, most people have many loyalties, including loyalty to oneself. And loyalties can sometimes conflict with each other. So it may be hard to choose one over the other. A friend once told me, "you may be allot of things but you are a loyal s.o.b."  I took that as a compliment.  Loyalty is not an easy thing.  Loyalty can take many forms but I think it's true that it is about priority.  I have, for the most part, always been able to see where my loyalty is.  There are no perfect people on this earth, so once you understand that you are able to accept flaws.  Those flaws allow you to overlook certain things that might upset you normally.  If you accept an apple as your own for whatever reason, then take the apple as a whole not in pieces regardless if parts are rotten.  Dogs are the only creature on earth that will love you more than itself, pure Loyalty. Loyalty to me is that you will stand with me in good times or bad. I have a best friend I grew up with from childhood.  A lifelong friend and brother by choice.  He has many character flaws, things I don't like, but you will never see me show my dislike of those flaws in public.  I show my dislike to him only, as it should be.  People might criticize him, but I don't even if they are right.  I made that choice a long time ago through many tribulations and triumphs, and I accept his flaws because the love of brothers allows for disagreement and dislike.  I am also fortunate to have several women in my life that love me even when they don't like me and back my play no matter what.  My queen is one of those ladies.  Although we see many flaws in each other and dislike each other sometimes, she always backs me.  No matter what.  These might be seen by some as blind loyalty, but that is an excuse for someone who has never felt loyalty.  Loyalty like trust is earned and not given freely.  A couple can be married for 25 years and not be loyal to each other.  Time with me does not make you loyal, positive words to me don't necessarily make you loyal, but your actions that support my best interest do.  But the biggest loyalty we should all have is to God and then ourselves, in that order.  So, loyalty is fluid because everyone else can change or let us down.  And as discussed sometimes you need to pick one over another.  Only you know your priorities. 

Truth #6 - Fear

"...Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.” - Yoda

Fear is one of the main emotions we have as human beings.  Fear is what they call an underlying emotion.  Most people who have suffered with and received treatment for an addiction know this. For example, the underlying cause of anger is fear. The fear is the emotion that causes us to be angry.  Fear is there to protect us by warning our body that we perceive we are in danger.  The anger is a response to that fear.  It fuels "fight or flight."  Do we stand our ground or do we run?  If we fight, then anger helps us do that.  But also that fear, anger, hate can be taken to an extreme.  The fear can paralyze us.  Addictions come from fear.  I don't think I am worthy of anything or I do it to protect myself by self soothing.  Usually because there has been a traumatic event and that person can't deal with it in a healthy way.  These all grow the addiction.  Some people don't even know they have an addiction. I have a friend who is severely obese and has tried every diet in the book.  I suggested she go to a psychiatrist for her depression fueling her eating addiction.  She is also in a non-supportive environment.  She said , "I am not depressed."  For real? I was thinking.  Fear has completely taken over her.  Fear can also stop us from enjoying life.  I have another friend who wants a life partner but either sets unrealistic expectations of women or doesn't have the courage to approach nice women.  Again, what are you afraid of?  You don't think you're worth it, do you?  Hate groups are another prime example.  You think so little of your life that you blame another group for what's wrong.  Clearly this is fear of taking responsibility of your life and thinking you are worthy to control it and make it better.  I am responsible for how I handle what life throws at me.  And I also know that if I can't, asking for help takes balls and is the best thing for me.  Its easy to be angry or hateful.  It keeps the emotions away so you don't need to deal with the fear. You don't have to deal with the inner you.  Inner you? That's who we are, before that bad shit in life happened.  Most of us don't want to feel the inner person because it makes you feel the fear built up all around it and re-live some painful shit sometimes.  The problem is, when you stop feeling the fear you can't turn it off.  You can't really feel anything else.  Which means, how can you love yourself or anyone else? You can't.

"Named must your fear be before banish it you can.” - Yoda