Men must always chase women. This isn't politically correct (surprise) but it needs to happen to keep balance in a relationship. Married , single, whatever, it applies to all men who enjoy having a female in their life as a partner. A mans role in the chase is to be the (for lack of a better word) "aggressor." I'm not talking about how you started the relationship. The woman could have asked the man out, it doesn't matter. But after the initial date and you want the relationship to continue the man needs to set the pace. If the women is setting the pace, you are in trouble. Yes it might feel easier if your woman decides what you do on dates, how you dress, what social functions you go to, etc. But women don't really want that deep inside. They will not respect you. It usually means she doesn't have confidence in your choices and she will probably cut you loose anyway. Granted it changes as the relationship grows, because you compromise more.You will have harmony sure, but the relationship will not be at its strongest potential. You, the man, will have a broken spirit. I am not saying be some aggressive macho dude. Between us guys, you must "man up." Pick the date day, suggest places you want to go, open the door, pull out her chair, send flowers, write romantic cards, talk about her, surprise her, be honest, etc. Basics. You are the "aggressor" because you are proactive. That's what I am trying to communicate. Be proactive and anticipate needs. Again, the level you are doing this grows as your relationship grows. When you are married its harder. You have kids, work, you have been living together, and all the other stuff. I know its hard. But you must do it. Don't mess up the balance. Look its in most female DNA to try to change a guy, that's their challenge. Why do you think they go for "bad boys." They tend to be the most direct guys with what they want and they are so jacked up its a challenge to try to change them into "good guys." Now I have seen alot of relationships totally dominated by the female "she wears the pants." I want to cry for the guy, cause his spirit has been placed in a bottle somewhere and sealed (along with his balls.) I said relationship not family. Leading a family is a different ball game, more complicated. Another truth is that as men we don't really know how to be emotional and be vulnerable. Those are feminine traits. However, if you are able to be sensitive and vulnerable SOMETIMES, this will build a whole lot of trust with your woman. And I am sure she has already brought up the subject. Do what you are capable of. Building trust allows you to press your agenda a little more. Look you cant have two captains of a ship. One person needs to set the direction. Rotate turns or whatever, but the guy must have more time in the captains chair or you will just throw everything off. A leader is always respectful but must set the direction. Be proactive and show you care. Its simple. Women don't like to lead in a relationship. They can lead the family, at work, everywhere else but in a relationship. But again, its a fine balance between being too aggressive and leading. That brings us to another suggestion. Know your woman. Again this knowledge will increase as your relationship grows. After a year, you should know everything from what kind of socks, underwear, food, candy she likes to when her period will be and does she get bloated or not. You cant anticipate needs if you don't know the basics. Again, harder at the beginning of the relationship. But again rapport is built by asking her questions about herself. Of coarse you not going to ask on the first dates when her period is. But you start building a database of everything. What about the guys needs? You forget, if the women cares about you at all (like even a little bit) she is already gathering that information. It comes naturally as a feminine trait (subsection: practicing to be a mother). Don't get emotional, think if you are getting what you are giving. If you are not, walk. Because another VERY IMPORTANT truth is this: You MUST be prepared to leave the relationship if she does something that is a deal breaker. If you don't, she will loose respect for you. Not good. If you show vulnerability at that time, you lost. What is a deal breaker, that is up to you. But it must be established before as an expectation agreed upon in the relationship. Don't ASSume anything is a given. Feelings are important to any relationship. That's why when you are in a long term relationship its harder sometimes. You forget the feelings at the start of the relationship. How it felt and what you did. Stick to the basics. Be proactive. Everything else will fall in line. The chase keeps it all interesting. There are plenty of relationships where the guy is not chasing the woman, in those relationships there is probably an even ship, but dull as hell. Men, chase your woman always. How much is up to you.
Women, reverse it all. You know you want the guy to lead in the relationship and bedroom. Be honest with yourself.
Lets come to an agreement off the bat. Our society is built in such a way that it messes with your self esteem and confidence. Whether you are a doctor, crossing guard, and all in between. Our society as a whole does not support and encourage women. Can we agree on that? Men have been in control of things for a long time. That is changing. Now, that being said. You generally control the family, which is the way it should be most of the time. Some are in control at work. I have a female boss and prefer a female boss. However, in a relationship, your side of it needs to be "give what you get." Alot of times I see women bend over backwards. He cheats on you, you forgive him. That's is up to you. But sometimes you don't even make him pay any penalties. You are just asking to be cheated on. First time shame on you, second time shame on me. Men aren't clay pieces to be molded. Can you "touch him up, " sure MINOR tweaks are good. But you want to buy a Ford and turn it into a Ferrari. If you cant afford a Ferrari then don't want something you cant have. You can buy a Ford and tint the windows, change the sound system, and add new rims. Other than that, relax. A truth (sounds simple) if your man doesn't support you, walk. He doesn't talk bad about you, he wants you to succeed, he doesn't intentionally hurt you in any way, he encourages you...these are all must haves. If he doesn't, than walk. He may lead, but you can leave at anytime. It takes two. Don't settle. The world is full of women who settle. I'm not saying you have 20 expectations of a mate and your guy has 15 out of the 20. That's being realistic. I'm talking about some guy has 10 out of 20 and you stick with him because you are lonely. Find a hobby, and buy a vibrator, but don't settle. Again, there is a fine line between settling and being realistic. An important truth: People treat you as you let them treat you. I used to tell my wife, "I didn't make you angry, you made yourself angry." The other man women fall for is the guy you have been with for so long its just comfortable. How can you go to 31 flavors and say Vanilla is your favorite ice cream when you have not tried any other flavors? Being used to my mattress is comfortable and keeps my sleeping habits the same. But I know it cant be my only mattress I will ever sleep on, I know there are firmer ones, softer ones, thicker ones, posturpedic, king, cal king, twin, etc. Be open to new things. Routines are good but new is good too. Sure your comfortable you say, stay in your box then. And I am not saying change for the sake of change. I am just saying that you should be open to change if it calls for it. Otherwise you box yourself in and think you have no options.Think about yourself. Your self worth shows and dictates what kind of people you attract. Buy the way, stuff you didn't like about your man at first only gets worse. You either settle and forget or pretend it doesn't really bother you. Another truth: Trust must be earned not given. Be paranoid, trust a little at first and reward more trust as its earned. Don't let anyone pass go and collect the $200. They need to roll the dice like everyone else. No matter how hot the dice are. And another truth: Always listen to your instincts. Instincts are usually the sharpest at the beginning of a relationship, listen. A man must always chase the woman, with respect.
No comments:
Post a Comment